In the year 2009, a hilarious character Kenny Powers is presented to the audience. A man is nasty and cocky in attitude. However, his goal is to regain his long-lost fame after a stormy baseball career. The comedy series Eastbound and Down are four-season long. The baseball pitcher Kenny Powers quotes are quite notorious.
Mostly the series is around Kenny Powers life. Although the Kenny Powers Quotes or lines are the ones to watch-out for, indeed. Here, check the amazing Kenny Powers quotes shared below.
Quotes by Kenny Powers Season 1
I play real sports. Not trying to be the best at exercising.
I’m laying down my new audiobook. No writing, just spoken words – the old fashioned way.
You know what? I can already tell you that I don’t like you. And I’m probably not gonna like you no matter how many pull-ups or push-ups you can do.
Its time I accept the fact that the glory days of my life are now behind me. Just like Neil Armstrong, I went to space and now I’m back, and nobody gives a sh*t.
Whatever needs to be set up for a pitching contest – set that sh*t up!
Therefore, I will now settle into this new life. I will find new ways in which to use this arm. I will take my current responsibilities seriously and try to do them the best that I possibly can.
And realizing that the love of my life has chosen another I will move forward without her. I do all of these things not because I want to, but because I have to.
From this moment forward Kenny Powers is just like everyone else. Normal. Not special. No hopes. No dreams. Pretending to be happy when he’s really super sad. Just an average guy with exceptional hair. Nothing more, and nothing less.
I need to remember that I’m a winner man. I need to remember that I am better than everyone else. Bulletproof Tiger, man.
There’s one image in my life that consistently makes me happy, no matter when I think about it, and that image, that one image is your big t*ts.
The humongous part about being a celebrity is cashing in on it – making sh*tloads of money, having expensive, luxurious things. That way in case one day you’re not famous you can still be rich as hell and better than everyone around you.
I learned that sometimes to be the man, you gotta beat the man. I learned the grass is not always greener. I learned that adversity’s sweet milk. That’s philosophy, April.
Kenny Power Quotes Season 2
It’s like goddamn cocktoberfest in here. I’m excited too, but let’s not touch dicks, alright.”
It‘s a no mystery that ass has always been tits greatest enemy. it’s almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass.
There’s gonna be an ass-ton of crabs, lobsters, wine, Bartles& Jaymes, corn on the cob, funkin’ booger sugar.
I’m wearing all black. Outlaws wear black. Fags and cocaine dealers wear white.
Gross! You’re crop-dusting my whole entire bedroom with your pubes right now. Don’t be sorry, dude. Just cover up that marble sack.
Once again I’m with the hottest chick in town, buyin’ the most expensive fashions, dinin’ in the fanciest food places, riding around on the foddamn jet skis. Rainin’ trim. Hallucinogens. Jet skis again. Throwin’ heat. And getting laid.
If I had to choose, I mean historically, I’ve always considered myself to be a tit man.
Is that my thong? Oh, dude no way! You do not go in my drawers and take out a pair of my chones. That is a big no-no!
I got two hard rules I live by, pop: I don’t fuck with the Devil, and I never do tag teams with blood relatives.
Did this tale end the way I thought it would? Probably not. But as long as I win, who gives a shit?
Truth be told, things aren’t going as good for me as I led to believe. The love of my life married some other dude, and my new girlfriend fed her pussy to the owner of the baseball team I just quit. I stole homeboy’s car, and now I’m probably a wanted fugitive.
Purity-it’s what we all desire, and it is what I’ve come here to share with you. Hence all whites.
Whenever I look at a Mexican I will think of you. Whenever you look at that jackass you think of me. OK!
Too hot for hugs here, man. I’ve been battling’ war with a swamp ass since I got down here.
A goddamn Mexico standoff in fuckin’ Mexico. I was hoping to get into one of these before I left.
Oddly enough, the people here aren’t that different from the ones back home, when you get past the lack of interest in real sports, and the need to have yellow rice at every fuckin’ meal.
Season 3 Quotes of East Bound
I can’t believe I opened up my heart up to that bitch. Opened it wide up. And she just squatted with that big beautiful booty and dumped all over it.
If you need to go surfing, dig a hole in the sand at the beach to hide your infant inside. That prevents kidnappers.
The mature man however, celebrates not. Because he knows that every victory is just a pre-cursor to another f*cked up test.
And in moments of doubt, my default setting is always to attack. Whether it be a hitter, or an ump, or a loved one who has stepped out of line…
Not everyone can achieve their dreams in this world. That’s because most people have things like feelings and sentimental attachments, nagging sh*t that keeps them from making the tough decisions that are necessary to get to the ultimate top…
Unfortunately on the rocket ship of fame, there’s only room for one. Any added baggage will just weigh you down, hold you back from shootin’ for the f*ckin’ stars. Blast off, bitch…
Babies are made chubby so if you drop them when they’re little they don’t break. It’s cool…
This is what happens when you betray me. You get iced the f*ck out! Now you and sh*t for brains hit the f*ckin’ tracks, or I’m callin’ the police…
For those of you who don’t know, which I’m assuming is most of you, and for those of you who do know about this, go f*ck yourself, teammates.
Not only do I have the fuel of Kenny Powers inside of me, I now have all of Shane’s f*ckin’ powers too. So anyone who wants to step up to this sh*t, better recognize…
It’s true you both have hurt me deeply. But I’m no saint, and I have done my fair share of f*cked up sh*t too. So it wouldn’t be fair to judge two men, who have either entered (Eddy), or exited (Kenny), my vagina. But your speeches have shown me that you really do care, and I accept your apologies…
It means when life gets you all swirly and thought-ridden, shut it out. Let the two spherical sperm factories underneath your d*ck take over. They don’t think, they don’t get confused. They churn, and attack.
Eastbound and Down – S3 Chapter 21
The moments directly following a comeback are hands f*ckin’ down the sweetest part. When everybody you’ve ever known, the whole world in fact, celebrates your success. Everyone gets some.
The little people who acted as stepping stones in your path to success. They can brag to their children about how they aided you. Even if it was only in some stupid insignificant way.
Even the enemies you’ve made along the way. They have to begrudge the fact that you’ve shoved their jealousness, lack of faith and spite, right back in their f*ckin’ hater faces.
But I imagine it’s probably sweetest for those that truly believed in you. Those that stood by you through the good times, and the not so good times.
Standing by a champion is a feat unto itself. I mean it’s not as much work as actually doin’ the comeback, but it still should count for something.
I hope this inspirational novel story helps to give you inspiration in your attempts to stop being a regular normal person, and start being a champion instead.
Dreams and riches do come true for some people. But take it from me, Kenny Powers. I’m out. The end — of the book.
Kenny Power Quotes – Season 4
Every single morning I wake up I think about the fact that I f*ckin’ walked away from baseball. I gotta suck my f*ckin’ soul in, put a smile on my face, and go about my day…
From this moment forward, I’m gettin’ what’s mine: Fame — Money — Respect —Chicken chains.
And if you doubt that, all of you can suck my nuts. Suck on them so f*ckin’ hard you can’t even breathe through your mouth — only through your nose. But it’ll be even hard to do cause my f*cking fat d*ck will be cloggin’ that sh*t.
When I rolled back the stone and rose like the mighty phoenix, there were some who couldn’t process the uncut majestry of the event. And there were some that decided to trump up bullsh*t fraudulent life insurance claim charges against me. But I couldn’t be phased.
And ultimately I was rewarded with the hand of my true love in matrimony. I was rewarded with the birth of a gorgeous daughter. And life began to take on a beautiful rhythm.
Kenny Powers Quits His Job
Your laws mean nothing to me. Last night I had a taste of the A-list, and it reminded me of something I’ve known for a very long time — I’m better than you. This little f*ckin’ parking lot here, this may be your kingdom, your legacy — it’s a piss in the pool to me.
Kenny Powers Saga Screenplay: The Original Ending
This is a story of a man who won. By choosing love over fame, fortune, and countless adventures, I’d proven that my heart was true. I’d proven that I was a man who could face any peril. And f*ckin’ crush it in the name of love.
In the end, Kenny Powers didn’t get what he wanted, but he got what he needed. He didn’t win baseball, but he did win life. The end.
Eastbound and Down unveils the journey of hot temper professor to baseball pitcher. So you get a chance to binge watch the television series, don’t miss it.